Sunday, 12 July 2015

Insanity? Or not?

Something messed up happened to me yesterday. Not sure if it's something worth writing and sharing or not. But I just got a bit , I don't know, kind of shocked perhaps?

So, last year I went for walks with Nemo each day in the summer time, because Eirik was working.
And on some occasions I got invited to the neighbor I walked past, for a coffee, because she had a dog.
I visited multiple times, and after a while we finally introduced ourselves. Yeah it took several visits for her to even ask my name.

I visited her and her dog, maybe 10-15 times that summer. Summer past, and she got sick. I didn't visit, because I thought she wanted to spend time with her family and relax, as she was to sick to be active and things like that, and every time me and Nemo went past, she was never outside. We only visited when we walked past on our daily walk, and she was outside inviting us.

I said hello through her husband who I met when walking the dog, as he also walked his dog.
Eirik, my BF also sent them best wishes through her husband when he met him.

Hope you understand my brilliant English here.

Anyways, yesterday, this lady was out for a walk and met Eirik.
And she lashed out on him.
She said she was terribly disappointed in us, that we acted the way we had, not saying hi, and not leaving her a msg when she was sick. Neither we or her brother had said anything to her, she said. (I don't know her brother, I barely know her.)

Eirik stood there kind of shocked because, she ambushed him with anger from out of nowhere.

Eirik came home and told me this, and I though okay, she is upset I didn't send her an sms. And that is fair enough, I should have sent her a text. (she could also have sent me a text you know) And she probably is tired and have a lot of stuff going on, since she mentioned her brother which we have no idea who is. So I just thought Eirik met her when she was in a bad mood and took it out on the wrong person.

So sent her a text saying : Hi. We should have a talk and sort this issue, if you ofc are interested. I don't think it's fair that Eirik gets caught in the middle of a fight or similar things, if you are upset with me. And I think we should talk, instead of taking it over the phone. Just let me know what day suits you and I can come visit.

Her response was, I don't know. I think it was out of line and very harsh.
She said:
I don't want any contact with you. Erik (she doesn't even know his name, which is Eirik, Erik and Eirik are two different names)....
Erik has been a guest here and have talked to my husband multiple times.
I heard you had anxiety because I was ill. (I have major anxiety when it comes to different illnesses and I get anxiety attacks where I think I will die, I can't control it. It happens sometimes just by talking about certain things)

You could have been more considerate  and kept that anxiety for yourself.
I am not giving you another second of my time. I myself have been both mentally and physcially ill, but I hope I have never been that selfish after showing so much warmth and friendliness. You could have sent a message through Eirk and many other opportunities
You have had a bunch of time. I have been sick a year and no Tine. Don't send me cold texts and suggestions to me. You and I are in different leages. You shall leave me be!!
Look in the mirror and stop thinking I am something that should concern you. 
In this world it's important to take care of the good sides in people. Self centered people can stay far away from me, after taking advantage of my hospitality. To think we have something to talk about.

Only reason I am sacrificing time to answer your text is that, you are going to walk past us, never talk to us, and never talk to our dog. I feel sorry for my dog and Nemo who were such good friends and don't understand that friendship matters. Dogs are faithful and loving and thankfully can't understand humans.

The only thing I am left with is that I have learned not to let anyone in. Sorry for the dogs who could have had a nice friendship. You shall leave me be. You have hurt me deeply and I am no  longer at your service. I hope you have learned something. I am now done with using my time on you. And will rather spend my time with the people I love and that care about me. I have a long way to go and you shall leave me and my dog alone. We dont need you and don't want you.

So yeah, that was the msg she sent me. A person who visited her a few times over a summer. I was wrong not sending her a text, I admit that.

But I did, as she wanted me to, to sent her a msg through Eirik.
She herself have worked in the mental healthcare and should know a bit about mental illness right?

Not one second did she stop and think, HEY maybe something was going on in her life as well.
She doesn't know our names correctly, she doesn't know how old we are, she doesn't know any personal things about us. All she knows is that we have a dog called Nemo, and we came to play with her dog.

She doesn't know what have happened in my life this year, having to worry about my brother who we thought could be fatally ill. That I though I might have cancer in my ovaries. That I have had anxiety attacks where I had to lay in bed, that I have gone to therapy, that I am on medicine for both depression and anxiety. That I have a hard time just staying a float because my depression.

That I have went home crying because I have been met with being ignored. Cause I am scared of being rejected. That I am a person that don't let anyone in because I am scared that they might hurt me and turn me down, so I don't make friends.

She knows nothing about me, cause she talks drama and she talks about her and her family issues.

All she knows, I have a dog, I have a BF and I have had issues with anxiety.

To think that a person with so little insight, have worked with people with mental issues is to me very scary.

First course I went through in therapy was about understanding that there is more to people then meets the eye. You don't judge a book by it's cover. People have issues you don't know about.

I told her I was sorry she had to go through so much stuff, with her illness etc. I never ever talked bad about her, I was a grownup and wanted to talk face to face. I wanted to sort this out.

Now, I don't.

I thought she would want to be with her loved once. And I didn't want to come over there and trouble her with my issues, not that she would listen anyways.

She even wrote in her text herself that I should keep my anxiety for myself, which is what I actually did duuh. She wanted me to send her a msg through Eirik, which I did.. I sent her best wishes through her husband as well..

So while I admit, I could have sent her a text, I can only see that is the only thing I have done wrong and I tried apologizing for that. Even after that msg she sent there, I was polite, I said I was sorry for everything bad that had happened to her. That I wish her and her dog the best.

My responce:
One msg and I shall leave you in peace. I did a big mistake not sending you a text. I said Hi to you through your husband, Always said to Eirik to send his wishes from me to you, through your husband., I am sorry you have been through so much. I have had my stuff to deal with, with a brother who had a cyste in his back, and we thought he might die. I have been sick in bed because of anxiety of dying. I though you would want to spend time with your family, instead of the stress from me and Nemo.

I walked past your house multiple times, but you were never there, or you never wanted to say hello to me and ignored me. I though you would want to give me another chance, but you are your own boss and can decide things for yourself.

My whole life I have been conflict shy, and therefor after a while I never did send a text cause I was scared. Sorry that I have let you down and hurt you, I hope you and your dog get well. 
Try to understand there is two sides of a story and that I never heard from you either, and though you wanted to be in peace and deal with your issues.
When I went to visit you, you just ignored me and I didn't dear do anything and turned around ad went home. Sure it's late to late to apologize now, just don't let this affect others you meet. Don't let this out on Nemo and Eirik because you have issues with me. Wish you well. 
Tine.

I realize now, I was way to kind in my msg. I layed myself out flat. I hate that about myself. She was so mean to me and Eirik. Saying she felt bad for Nemo. Basically saying we were horrible human beings. Well fuck that. This was one crazy ass bitch, who obviously feeds from drama.

I don't need this toxic shit in my life. I barely knew her, she knows nothing about us, she can't even fucking spell Eirik's name right. WTF...

I am glad this happened now that I am strong enough to deal with it myself and not get crushed by it. I am glad I am in treatement to get better,

I am glad my life doesn't revolve around some stranger, but around my family.

So that was the story :P Maybe I am in the wrong, maybe I am a selfish bastard. Well FINE, I can live with that.

10 comments:

  1. It's always disappointing when someone lashes out thoughtlessly like that. Especially someone who should know better. I don't think you did anything wrong at all. In fact, I think you handled it very well.

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  2. Don't be the type of person that burns bridges Missy. Your response was good. If you start bitching back then basically she's brought you down to her level. Just be cool, hug Nemo and Eirik and smile. Everything will be fine. :)

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  3. If she was a true friend then time dosnt matter, can spend months even years without contact but a true friend will still be there, example how long as it been since we played a game together or even chatted on vent? Months but you are still my friend and I also spell Ericsson name wrong 😃

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  4. Prictive text of I meant Eric

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  5. Lol you always spell his name wrong, cause you think it's funny :P Obviously she wasn't a friend, I though of her more of a person I knew anyways, so it's not a big loss to me. I was just more shocked of the behavior of a grown up. She's a grandma for christs sakes, you don't behave like that. And true friends, are like you and me we don't need to talk all the time, cause we know we will be there.

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  6. I was cool, thankfully. I don't want to burn bridges, all I wish I could have done was just tell her that it's not alright to be mean to me and my family :) But, I am over it, she told me to stay away. And that is what I plan to do.

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  7. Thank you, I think I handled the situation good enough. I never spoke ill about anyone and she won't have anything on me, if she wants more drama.

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  8. You handled it very well. It's her own fault. She's not worth your time, and it's good you didn't go down to her level--because that's what she wanted--to cause more drama and drag you down and such. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Drama is something that sets my anxiety off hardcore, as well, and then I can't let it go for months, despite trying.


    Thank you for sharing, as always. <3

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  9. Thanks Chestnut! Glad to get the support. It gave me some anxiety but not that much as it would have in the past thankfully. The situation showed me that I have grown and that is a positive thing. I am just glad this is over with, I am better without a person like that in my life :)

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  10. I'm glad you're growing and that your anxiety was much less than in the past! :D And yes, you're much better without her in your life. :)

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