Wohoo I reached 13000 pageviews, go me! And the blog isn't even that old. Proud !!!
Reason I wanted to write this short post was because I gave myself a little facepalm.
I have just been talking to my two guildleaders in my WoW guild and we were chatting about the idea of a WoW - show/podcast for a YouTube channel we would make.
It's just a loose idea right now, no promises or anything as of yet. Just brainstorming as I mentioned in the last post.
But this got me checking into my YouTube channel. And wow ha ha ha, I am so.. how can I say this, sad and depressed. I thought at the time that I did pretty well, showing off who I was and giving you a look at me as a person. Well, I sort of did, but you see a lot my depression and sadness, you don't really see how/who I am. I must have grown a lot this last month or two because looking at those videos now, I don't see my self at all. I didn't know that the depression and anxiety had such a hold on me in terms of how I was perceived. This really shows me that, what I feel about myself really mirrors onto how you see me. I knew this in theory but I thought I could mask it pretty well. WELL I WAS WRONG..,
It's quite sad really because I made such an effort in those videos trying to be the fun me, the happier me, and I don't know how you can be entertained by them at all, it's so sad, and i'm so soft and quiet it almost hurts me looking at them right now.
I need a change, well I am changing. I hope I get a microphone for my birthday so I can start recording again and try to be more like the person I feel I am now rather then that depressed, shy, insecure person you see on those videos. I know I can be more fun, I am more fun, I can make people laugh. Those videos can hardly make anyone laugh, maybe at some glimpse but god. I have to really thank people who have supported me, (looks at sunny bunny and ScottishGeeks) and stuck with me, giving me feedback and giving me pushes when I needed it.
I think it was a good idea to look over those videos, they showed me that I have progressed so much further then I thought. I am no longer that person on those videos. Yes I am still shy, yes I am still depressed and have anxiety. But I am so much different then that person there.
And I am determined to show you guys that in one way or another. That person right there, is a sad version of me ! At least I have it documented ey ?! :P
Anyways, I wanted to write that down because it surprised me. I am glad I watched the videos.