Monday, 9 March 2015

Swirly Swirly

Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear..
My hands are shaking, and sweaty, heart is racing, feels like it's going to pop out of my chest or crawl up my throat. My stomach, well swirly swirly you know.

Meeting with dps is in 2 hours and I can't keep the anxiety in check anymore. I have been pretty good at it so far, with just having short moments of anxiety, but now my body has just decided enough is enough and it's not holding back anymore. 
I was hoping this wouldn't happen this time, I have been very calm over the last week compared to what I have in the past, but now it's just hell broken loose. 

Good thing is I know it's not going to get worse, anxiety is not dangerous, nothing bad will happen, and at some point you just peek with the anxiety and then it starts to calm down. So writing, will hopefully help me calm my nerves. 

It's going to be 2 long effing hours I tell you. Waiting is the hardest part, tick tock, clock is just mocking me.
I have checked the note with time and date on it at least 7 times to see if when and where it is. That is the reason I never miss an appointment heh, always checking the time, when and where. I have gone over the papers I am taking with me 4 times this week, to see if I have crossed off the answers that suits best. Almost sounds like I have a OCD, but I doubt that is the case, I am only like this if I am going to work or have an appointment or anything similar. I hate being late, I feel bad if I am late, and embarrassed, and I don't like wasting peoples time.

I just checked my pulse, cause I got this app on my phone. My resting pulse is usually around 67-69, and now it's at 114, fucking hell, that's high, my jaw dropped when I saw it, I thought maybe it would be around 80 or something but..I never checked it before when I was nervous, so I was curious. Guess I won't do that again -.- 

I've managed to distract myself with this blog, reading other blogs and twitter for 45 minutes now, only an hour left phew. I think we will jump into the car in 45 minutes or so. I will just post this post now, and give you an update on how it went later :)

Laters yall! ♥


  1. Urgh, waiting and swirly swirly. D: Not cool. Anxiety can have some compulsive behaviour, not necessarily OCD. *cuddle*

  2. Thankfully that's all the symptoms I have, don't want anymore disorders heh :)

  3. :( this is rly tough, i know how it feels like to have this sort of tension but hopefully it keeps going down and down.. heart rate of 114 is woof too high D: i wish you get through this well! *fingers crossed*

  4. Well, I wasn't around when this was happening, so it's probably done and dusted by now. I hope everything went well, and that you're calm again.

  5. Thank you, and ofc it went fine :D I am relaxing on the sofa now, breathing calm.

  6. It all went well, I was shaking like mad but we got through it :-)