Monday, 30 March 2015

And then I cried

So I wrote a Norwegian blog today and thought perhaps to repeat that blog here, or something along the lines.

I got a phonecall today from someone I love very much. And this person told me that they had gotten a message from the doctor after taken an MRI.
And there was something on the images or whatever.

This scared the shit out of us all I am sure, and while not lethal, this person probably needs surgery and worst case become paralyzed. Going under surgery is always a risk, and since this had to do with his spine or something, it's even worse. BUT it's not cancer, it is some sort of cyst.

It has sometimes paralyzed half the face, and stuff like that, so it has probably gotten some size to it.

This all brought tears to my eyes and I started crying.

I thought about the family and how this person must be feeling and it felt horrible.

After that I started thinking about myself and the pain I have been having in my lower part of my stomach, to the left, perhaps where some female stuff is lying around. And I got an anxiety attack to the max.
I have had panic attacks before, but today it felt like death.

I first just felt sick, like I was going to vomit. Then my head got warm and I could not see straight, I got dizzy and almost vomited and all that kinds of stuff. Then I had problems talking, and I got numb in my hands and feet and they started to tingle so hard I couldn't stand on my feet anymore, and fell on to the bed. The sensation was much like when your hands/feet has gone to sleep and they are slowly waking up again. Tingeling and needles everywhere. I was sweating, then I went cold, and didn't know what to do with myself.

I knew that it was panic, even though I did not feel like I had panic, it was way different then other panic attacks I have had. I have had more of a hyperventilation attack and feeling out of control, but today I couldn't stand, and I was just shouting out words to try to distract myself.

Anyways, I have made a doctors appointment. I am deeply scared I might have a cyst by the ovary's or something like that because of the strange uncomfortable feelings I have had. And seeing one of my loved onces getting scary results from the doctor convinced me to get to the doctor.

Hopefully all that is wrong with me is that it's just gas or something. Maybe an infection. Fingers crossed ey?

I took some anxiety meds and have slept for the two last hours.

I just needed to share, cause I am scared. Scared for that little family, scared for me, I am scared of death indeed.

Sorry I am such a bummer.


  1. *hugs you* Always go to the doctor when in doubt, indeed. Let me know how things go with you and your loved one, okie? :)

  2. I hope everything works out. I'm glad you're going to the doctor. You and your friend and their family are in my thoughts. *hugs* Thank you for sharing. I'd never be able to do so.

  3. Thank you Rowan, Jaedia and Chestnut :)